Name Leslie Verghese, LCSW
Designation Leslie Verghese, LCSW
Posted On 01-08-2009
Leslie Verghese is the Executive Director of Agape Partners International and the Vice President of a premier Social Service agency in New York. Rev. Verghese is a licensed psychotherapist and is also a minister at the Shalem Tabernacle in Elmont, NY. Married to Jessy and has four children, Japhia, Joshua, Johana and Jaynah. He can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org. View all articles by Leslie Verghese, LCSW
Psalm 139:13-16 says “For you have formed my inward parts; You have covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book, they are all written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. There are three building blocks of human behavior: 1. God Created (Inborn) 2. Man/Environment Affected (Character-Learned Behavior) 3. Self Selected (Personality – Mask) The Inborn God Created building block is called Temperament. When we are conceived, our unique temperament is placed within us by the order of God just the same way as our genetic code. Our temperament determines how much love, affection, control and ‘people’ we need. The second building block for understanding human behavior is that we are man/environment affected. This is called our character. At birth, we begin interacting with our environment and our environment interacts with us. The environment is everything that is tangible; what we see, hear, smell, feel, and learn. These perceptions are forever locked into our brain and they slowly but steadily mould and alter our temperament (externally only as the built in temperament remains the same), thereby forming our Character. In a mathematical formula we can state: Temperament X Environment = Character The third building block is ‘Self Selection’. This is called our Personality, and is expressed in the way we perceive how we must behave to survive in the world in which we live. This may or may not be part of our Temperament or Character depending on how we chose to meet our temperament needs. The one major problem with personality is that it is a mask that a person wears for the world. Hence, as it is with any mask it cannot be worn for too long. Eventually, a person’s actions and reactions revert back to temperament and character. This explains why a person acts differently at home than they do in public. In Mathew 11:29, Christ states “Take my yoke upon you and learn of me”. Yokes are used to steer the beast in the right direction, help the animal to work longer, more efficiently by tiring less under heavy burdens. They are measured and padded appropriately and made well fitting. When Christ states “my yoke is easy”, He means that His yoke is ‘perfectly fitting’. Christ calls a person to the right position ordained by God and takes into account the person’s Physical capabilities, Spiritual maturity, and Emotional makeup. Temperament is the missing link in this balance. The importance of studying the temperament is hence extremely crucial in helping the individual function better in life. Temperament deals mainly with three aspects of a person’s life, namely Inclusion – the intellect, Control – the will power and Affection – the emotions. Inclusion is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory surface relationship with people through association and socialization whereas control is achieving the same through power, and affection is establishing a deep relationship of love. Inclusion determines who is in our relationship and whether we relate better to tasks or to people. Control determines who maintains the power and how well we make decisions. Affection determines the closeness of the relationship and how many emotions we share. The expressed and responsive needs in these three areas determine the inborn temperament of a person. The Five Temperaments There is no “right” or “wrong” temperament. There is simply the one God gave you—inherently good, but marred by original sin. Identifying the temperament helps one to maximize the strengths and minimize the weaknesses. One's temperament is a gift from God, an important aspect of our human nature that brings with it certain strengths as well as weaknesses. It is important to know oneself so that one does not go through life reacting instinctively, but rather acting with wisdom and fortitude. When we begin to understand our temperament, we can identify our natural tendencies and use this as a springboard for growth. As Christ pointed out in Luke 14:28-33, who would build a tower without first calculating the cost? What king would go into battle without first taking an inventory of his troops? Understanding our temperament is like taking a personal inventory of our natural strengths and weaknesses, so that we can "calculate the cost": what virtues do I need to grow in and what skills do I need to develop to become a more happy and holy person? There are four temperaments which were originally proposed by Hippocrates (the "father of medical science"). 350 years before the birth of Christ, to explain differences in personalities, based on the predominant bodily fluid—hence the rather unappealing names: Choleric, Sanguine, Phlegmatic, and Melancholic. Even today these same terms are used to describe temperament, by which we mean an individual's tendency to react in a certain way throughout their life, forming an identifiable pattern. For example, the choleric tends to react quickly and intensely, and to take action immediately and decisively. The sanguine is your classic "people person," known for their warmth, enthusiasm, and cheerful optimism. The melancholic is deeply thoughtful and analytic, slow to respond, skeptical, sensitive, and idealistic. The phlegmatic is usually a "peace-maker"—slow to react, calm, cooperative, and reserved. Also, the “sanguine” temperament was thought to be eager and optimistic; the “melancholic” reticent and somewhat doleful; the “choleric” passionate; and the “phlegmatic” calm. The National Christian Counseling Association has developed a fifth temperament called ‘Supine’. The supine is labeled as a ‘bowing temperament’. They see everyone else as valuable and themselves as worthless. They look at themselves as being placed on earth to serve others. They have a great capacity for service, liking people and have a gentle spirit. However, they also have a high fear of rejection, expect others to read their mind and have a lot of ‘hurt feelings’
Choleric - Ignatius of Loyola, John Bosco, Rush Limbaugh, George Patton, Margaret Thatcher, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates If you are a choleric, you are a dynamic, self-motivated leader who can set your sights on a target and relentlessly pursue it until success is achieved. You are a strong-willed individual who makes decisions quickly and decisively, and who readily and easily grasps difficult concepts and strategies. Learning comes quickly to you, and you like to take action immediately. You think logically and pragmatically, and are sometimes accused of "rolling over" people once you have set a plan in motion. You do not readily reveal deep emotions—except anger. Cholerics are often accused of being stubborn, domineering, and dictatorial. You demand loyalty from your friends, and thrive when you are in control. Franklin Delano Roosevelt was a choleric president: "There is nothing I love as much as a good fight," he famously said. Strengths and natural virtues: Active, assertive, bold, brave, capable, compelling, confident, competitive, determined, decisive, driving, dynamic, effective, energetic, enterprising, focused, forceful, goal-oriented, independent, opinionated, passionate, persevering, positive, pragmatic, productive, purposeful, quick, resolute, self-motivated, sharp, strong-willed, vigorous, zealous Weaknesses and natural vices: Aggressive, ambitious, angry, antagonistic, argumentative, bossy, combative, defiant, dismissive, domineering, harsh, impatient, intolerant, oppositional, prideful, pushy, relentless, shrewd, stubborn, unempathic, unsympathetic Sanguine - Peter (Sanguine-Choleric), Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, Magic Johnson, Franklin Roosevelt, Tiger woods. If you are a sanguine, then you are most likely the life of the party. You are funny and relish the limelight. You are affectionate, enjoy social activities, and make friends easily. You are imaginative and creative, and are often the one who enthusiastically promotes new ideas on the job. People call you vivacious, generous, and light-hearted. You wear your emotions on your sleeve, but you are always quick to “forgive and forget.” You probably struggle with follow-through, are chronically late, and tend to be forgetful. As quickly as you discover a new hobby or pursuit, you can also lose interest--when it ceases to be engaging or fun. Strengths and natural virtues: Active, affectionate, affable, animated, ardent, carefree, compassionate, cheerful, creative, docile, eager, enthusiastic, entertainer, expressive, generous, fashionable, flexible, forgiving, funny, fun-loving, high-spirited, imaginative, joyful, light-hearted, lively, open, optimistic, outgoing, popular, responsive, resilient, sensitivity, sparkling, spontaneous, story-teller, vivacious, warm-hearted Weaknesses and natural vices: Attention-seeking, changeable, chatty, distractible, disorganized, emotional, tendency to exaggerate, faddish, fickle, flighty, frivolous, forgetful, gossipy, inconstancy, insincere, lacking depth, scattered, sensuality, smart-alecky, superficial, prone to vanity, undisciplined Phlegmatic - St. Thomas Aquinas, Calvin Coolidge, Tim Duncan, Sandy Koufax, Ian Crocker, Keanu Reeves If you are a phlegmatic, you most likely possess a dry wit and a steady, amicable demeanor. You are dependable, polite, and even-tempered. You feel more comfortable in a small group of friends or even spending a quiet evening relaxing at home. You are never flashy, belligerent, or self-aggrandizing. You would rather take the blame (even unjustly) than stir up controversy or pick a fight. On the job, you seek neither power nor the limelight, but work steadily, patiently, and methodically. You are reliable, patient, and methodical on the job, and can work alone, or with the most difficult of personalities. You will prefer job security, working within a structured organization, but can also be a leader of great character and service. Former U.S. president Calvin Coolidge, for example, was known for being a man of few words, conservatism in maintaining the status quo, and a propensity for "effectively doing nothing." Once at a dinner party, a young woman bet him that she could make him say three words. Coolidge dryly replied, "You lose." Strengths and natural virtues: Amiable, calm, collected, composed, conservative, coolheaded, cooperative, courteous, constant, content, deliberate, dependable, diplomatic, dry, easy-going, efficient, even-tempered, fair, friendly, gentle, good-humored, kind, level-headed, meek, mellow, mild, modest, neutral, peaceful, philosophical, polite, quiet, relaxed, reliable, self-controlled, self-possessed, serene, sincere, sober, stable, steady, sympathetic, tactful, traditional, understanding, undisturbed, unflappable, untroubled, without hostility Weaknesses and natural vices: Apathetic, boring, distant, indecisive, indifferent, impassive, inattentive, lackadaisical, listless, lukewarm, obtuse, passionless, procrastinating, sluggish, slow, simple, spiritless, unconcerned, unenthusiastic, un-opinionated, unmotivated, unresponsive, languid, content with status quo, lack of aspirations
Time alone is vital for this reflective, introspective temperament. A perfectionist at home and on the job, the melancholic is likely the one with the perfectly organized closet and kitchen, the tidy desk-top, and the painstaking attention to religious observances, sometimes to the point of scrupulosity. Melancholic longs for a deep soul mate, yet when he is around people, he often finds himself mistrustful and disappointed. Sensing this criticism, others will keep their distance—thus further entrenching the melancholic in his solitary life. In relationships, the melancholic tends to be slow to initiate, cautious, hyper-critical, and pessimistic--yet, once committed, they are unwaveringly loyal and self-sacrificing. Strengths and natural virtues: Analytical, artistic, careful, cautious, choosy, conscientious, deliberate, delicate, discreet, detailed, elegant, exacting, guarded, idealistic, introspective, judicious, lover of truth and beauty, meticulous noble, orderly, painstaking, particular, quietly passionate, persevering planned, pondering precise, prudent reasoned, reflective, religious, reserved, restrained, romantic, shy, serious, sensitive, studious, thorough, thoughtful Weaknesses: Aloof, apprehensive, brooding, cool, critical, demanding, distrusting, envious, fearful, grudge-bearing, haughty, hypochondria, highbrow, jealous, judgmental, nitpicking, perfectionist, pessimistic, reluctant, scrupulous, self-righteous, skeptical, snooty, standoffish, strict, superior, suspicious, timid, uncommunicative, unsocial, undemonstrative, wary.
The supine wants the same as a sanguine but does not express the needs. They in turn look and act as a melancholy. The supine becomes his or her own worst enemy because of this indirect behavior. They carry an unspoken sign declaring “I do not want’ when in fact they want and need very much. Strengths and Virtues: Servitude, people friendly, gentle spirit, hard working, taking on numerous tasks at one time, obedient, enforcing, dependable, loyal, committed. Weaknesses: Fearful, easily offended, indecisive, hypersensitive, born victim attitude, fearful of rejection, harbors anger, inability initiate love and affection, weak willpower, openly dependent.
God has placed unique gifts and talents in every individual who is a member of the body of Christ. Every church is expected to operate the five fold ministries of an Evangelist, Prophet, Pastor, Teacher and Apostles. The different temperaments that each member of the body of Christ has can be utilized effectively for the expansion of the Kingdom of God. The world’s best evangelist and preachers are Sanguine. The charming, inspiring, personable individuals are able to instill the gospel of love in the hearts of people very effectively. The optimism, upbeat nature, and fiery and emotional words can bring thousands of people to the saving grace of Christ. The sanguine is already on the go to focus on other people. However, the baby Christians need a patient mentor to bring them to maturity. The self sacrificing Melancholy takes the scene as a patient, intellectual is there to answer questions and to teach. As these Christians grow in the Lord, the needs increase. Building a church, raising funds for the same and establishing up a ministry are some of them. Who else but a Choleric will be able to do it in such a methodical way! Who else can place the new ‘mature Christian’ in a position that is a perfect fit for them? Now the question arises as to who will keep the financial records, process the data, handle the mails and other jobs that require precision and accuracy. Of course it is the Phlegmatic. The Kingdom of God needs some people with a limitless service capacity. The Supine’s position cannot be filled by anyone else.
The Temperament of a person is in born. It can never b changed or transformed. Hence, we must realize that it is not up to us to change it, but to help find ways to live within the temperament and fulfill the God given life.