We live in an era where Psychology plays an integral part on the situation of marriage and related events. However, great marriages are built on a foundation of trust and not on behavioral skills. Emotional security is the cornerstone for the relationship that one wants or you simply need to feel secure in your marriage. How can we achieve that? The Bible brings us to the basics of the definition of marriage as we search for an answer.  The best definition for marriage in the Bible comes from Genesis 2:24 – For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will be one flesh.

Why are two people coming together?

1.       For Procreation – Genesis 1:28 – Be fruitful and multiply

2.       For Companionship -  Genesis 2:18 – It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a suitable helpmate for him

3.       For Self giving Love – Genesis 2:24 – They will become one flesh. It is a Natural expression of love in sexual union

This time tested, biblical formula has been passed from generation, it has transcended cultures, nationalities and even religions. Different radical movements and new age thoughts have brought in definitions of the institution of marriage that are completely contrary to this. However, as long as man shall live on earth, God’s principle will remain the same. I have repeated a definition that I will state here again – Marriage is an exclusive, heterosexual covenant between one woman and one man, ordained and sealed by God and consummated in sexual union. 

God has given us children who have been nurtured in the word of God so that they have chosen to confine to God’s principles when it’s time for them to be united in holy matrimony. Please note that it is called holy matrimony. Hence, it is a union as defined above between two holy people. If the ultimate aim is to be secure in your marriage, one needs to be secure in God. 2nd Corinthians 6:14-18 clearly instructs not to be tied up with a person who is not a believer in Christ.  It is a unification of two people who have not given their hearts to Jesus brings two hearts with different feelings, and desires. There arises the need for behavioral skills and personality theories to learn each other and adjust with each other. When two believers come together, they gave their hearts to Jesus many years ago. Their feelings and desires were taken over by Jesus who took ownership of their hearts. It is the Person of Jesus who lives in both of them. Hence, it is the unification of two hearts whose desires and feelings are now the same. Its is difficult to digest that the individual desires give way to a collective desire but when we acknowledge the fact that It is the all effacing, self giving love ‘agape’ that fills their hearts, they will be able to sacrifice their desires for the sake of the other.

That’s why the servant of God will make them repeat the term, ‘until death do them part’ – It is a lifelong covenant to be secure in each other. It means they are secure in the author and finisher of their faith – Jesus Christ.  When we live in an environment where divorce is initiated because the bagel got burnt in the toaster or the under arm deodorant did not work properly, we still preach a ‘lifelong commitment’. If Jesus has come into our lives, it means our sins have been forgiven. We were offered grace when we did not deserve it. If we are the children of Jesus and if our sins that did not deserve forgiveness were blotted out, how come we can’t forgive the so called sins of our spouses? What sin is there that we cannot forgive when we compare them to our sins? In Malachi 2, the Bible says like this – I hate divorce says the Lord.

Hence a Christian marriage builds security in it through an undivided trust in Jesus. In marriage, the couple decides to translate the commitments that they have made to their savior when they make your commitments to each other. They think of what Jesus did when he saved us. While making that commitment,

1.       Would you say – my spouse is more valuable to me than my job, my hobbies, my friends and even my children?

2.       Would you admit that – your spouse need an open and unobstructed communication?

3.       Would you allow your shoulder for the other than your mouth? Would empathy and comfort precede a solution?

4.       Would you make it clear to each other that you will defend and support the other no matter what? If the indefensible and unsupportable is being done, would you support the potential to change?

5.       Would you allow yourself to understand that you share your life with the other in every area as you are one and not two anymore?

6.       Would you support the other if life is falling apart? Support is not lecture or advice or a set a dos and don’ts. The essence of support is the ‘cast your cares upon me attitude’

7.       Would you allow yourself to know that your partner needs your prayers, spiritual focus and transparency about your walk with God? You are in this together and you cannot be successful unless you decide to abide in each other which eventually is abiding in Christ.

Remember, marriage is a commitment. Within the circle of its love, marriage encompasses all of life’s most important relationships. You are each other’s best friend, confidant, lover, teacher, listener and critic. When the commitment deepens in every facet of life, your happiness will be fuller, and memories fresher. It’s not an easy task that can be achieved overnight but the Bible says ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me’. Marriage is a promise, a potential, made in the hearts of two people who love which takes a lifetime to fulfill.