A young man is interested in a girl and fell in love with her.  But, some how, he is unable to communicate his intention or feelings with her.  He shares his inner longings with his friend, who devises a way to bring her to him for a lunch.  The boy and girl are alone.  Lust and passion over took his mind, he rapes the girl.  In modern parlance it could be termed as ‘Date rape’.  Then, he rejects her and also hates her with the same intensity he ‘loved’ her.  This is an adapted version of the incident recorded in the Bible.  (II Samuel 13: 1-21)  The victim of this was Tamar and the rapist was Amnon. 

 

First, Amnon thought he was in love with Tamar, but he was interested in her body not in her.  He had infatuation rather than true love.  Second, He did not have respect or regard for her as a woman, but lusted her physical features.  He was not looking for a companion or life partner, but a toy to play with. Even he did not have respect for Tamar’s feelings or desire or aspirations.  He imposed her selfishness on her. Third, so, he did not have words to express his love or appreciation for her. He did not have conviction or courage to communicate with her, as his love was not genuine but with evil intentions.  Four, he also operated with a mind-set that he could force his will upon any person including Tamar.  He did not think love as reciprocate or relationships needs mutual consent.  Five, also, he saw sex as casual activity, without reference to marriage.    

 

Tamar on the other hand was naïve and was not smart enough to smell the evil intentions of Amnon.  She was totally unprepared to confront a situation like this.  If she had been wise, she would have discerned the evil intention of Amnon when he wanted her to come to her bedroom.  In that case, she would have asserted herself and would have refused to go to Amnon’s bedroom to provide him meals. 

 

Developing healthy relationships:  It is essential to develop healthy relationships with people of opposite is very important in modern life.  Purity in relationships is very essential.  Considering people of other sex as brother/sister with purity of mind is essential.  Intimate relationship is possible only within marriage and with one person only.  That means, sex is holy within the context of marriage and sin outside marriage. 

 

Definition:  Dating is any social activity undertaken by, typically, two people with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity. Traditional dating activities include entertainment or a meal. 

 

Dating is not physical relationship:  Dating is a social activity and it is done generally in public places like restaurants or parks.  It does not happen in private rooms and homes.  It is the time to talk with one another to understand the other person.  In the postmodern culture, dating has been degraded into physical relationship, which is not good for young people. 

 

Dating is to understand one another:  There are several areas of both should try to understand.  Discuss to understand the attitude of a person towards various aspects of life, which includes religious life, spirituality, career, money etc.  Also figure out the breath and depth of the thinking of a person.  Is the person narrow-minded or broad-minded?  Does s/he have sub judice or pre judice that may affect your relationship?  Is the person is prisoner of past or future-oriented?  What are the likes and dislikes; choices and preferences; hobbies and habits?  What is the communication style?

 

Dating is to determine the possibility of commitment:  When a person understands general aspects of another person, then s/he could explore whether this relationship could have long term commitment.  Knowing the other person’s strengths and weakness, like and dislikes, etc. you can determine whether there could be commitment to one another.  Can I trust this person with my whole life?

 

Dating is to decide on marriage:  If you are sure that you could understand that person intentions, lifestyle, thinking pattern and attitude and determine to trust your life with him/her, then you can take the next step.  The next step is to think and commit for marriage.